Steps to maturity

The Excellent Wife
Chapter 6: A wife’s understanding of her role

Part I

• In the order of creation, man was created first. p.49
  Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
  1 Timothy 2:13 “13For Adam was formed first, then Eve.”
  
• Women was created for the man, not man for the woman p.49 1 Corinthians 11:7-9 “7A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 8For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.”

This was a great chapter. It certainly gave me a good understanding of the role of men and women, husband and wife in a marriage as God intended. I know sometime this topic is not easy to hear. From what I understand it even takes people away from Christianity. The idea of submission, serving our husband, putting him and our household first is very against what the world teaches us today. Even some Christians have issues with this. Although, I was a Christian at the time of my marriage, to be honest, I would have completely resisted and fought against the role of the wife as Peace explains in this chapter. I completely understand why this may be hard.

• The effects of the fall of man p.51 Genesis 3:16 “16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you”

However, once I totally accepted Christ in my life and was committed to live a Christian life, God helped me to put my walls down, my resistance against all things that made me vulnerable, my need for control and my personal fight against the world and much more. By raising my arm to the Lord and asking for help, the weight that I put on my shoulders was lifted. The only thing left is what, for some reason, I am still holding on to (I am still on my journey with God, and I am committed to it).

I think what keep us from understanding the role of a wife in a marriage is pride, and that is the same thing that keeps us from God.

• Model of Christ and the Church – (the wife is to model (“act out”) the church being submissive to and glorifying Christ) p.52
  Ephesians 5:22, 24, 32 “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord….24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything…32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

Submission is a hard thing, and in the world that we live in today submitting to our husband almost seems to be taboo subject in polite conversations. We often thing, why should I submit to him, he should submit to me. One of the most common ‘phrase’ on relationships in our society is ‘it takes two to tango’. We use this phrase to argue ‘what is he going to do for me, if I am to do all these’ we seem to forget another phrase ‘give a little to get a little’. We get so focus on ourselves and refuse to give while expecting something back from our husband. Yes, it does takes two to tango. A dance is a communication between to people, where one person leads and the other person follows.

• The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife p.52
  Ephesians 5:23 “23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

Here is the thing…you have to let go of your ‘control’ and allow the other person to lead before you could be lead…otherwise you will step on each other’s toes, fall down, and get badly hurt. In the dance just as in a marriage, one person (the wife), for the sake of a pain free and non clumsy dance has to give the opportunity for the other person (the husband), to lead her across the dance floor (their life together in marriage). The key here is that you have to be willing to let go of your control, your pride and yes, your protective wall and fall in your husband’s arms and allow him to ‘fly’ you off your feet and float on cloud nine as you glide on the dance floor of the bliss of marriage that God intended us to have.

And yes, to lead that dance, your husband has a lot to do, he is to love you like Christ loves the church, and there is no greater love than this. As Peace explains, the “church” refers to the “body of Christ” and that is made out of people who became or will become Christians from the time of Christ until he returns (p.53). Christ cherishes, nourishes, loves and sacrificed himself for us “the body of Christ, the church”…It is this love that husbands are to show their wives and we are to glorify and submit to them, so they can do their part. Just like our lives as Christian fell short when we don’t submit to Christ, our marriage life fall short when we don’t do what God ask of us as wives and submit to our husbands. It is not like Jesus or (the husband) sits there and says I will not love you unless you submit to me. No, we know that God have tremendous Grace on us and that prayerfully our husband truly loves us. It is because without letting go and submitting to God, we miss out on all he can do in our life, we miss out on how we can glorify him. So, when we do not submit to our husband and give him room to do what God call him to, we miss out greatly on the joy of marriage as God intended.

Just as we have to answer to God so does our husband. You know, our husbands have a hard task, it is not easy being the leader but that is what God call them to be and it is why God ask us to be ‘helper’ to them. We are accountable to each other and to God. We have to give room to each other so that we could fulfill our role. Just as your partner on the dance floor cannot lead if you don’t let him, a husband cannot lead his household if you are not a helper to him. This is about a partnership of mutual sanctification, mutual submission to God. At the same time we each have to do what is asked of us individual for the greater good of the whole even when the other person is not meeting up to the part.

I divided the post in this chapter in two for length purposes. Please see Part II on ‘glorifying’ our husband and the 18 ways Peace suggests we can see to our role as wives.

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